From Galway to Dublin town, no maid I've seen like the sweet Colleen...

Actually, Colleen isn't so sweet. Frankly she's a bit of a hooer and couldn't mind mice at a crossroads. Dirty as the henhouse, that one. Idle as the piper's little finger, to be sure. Not that I know from personal experience, mind...just the word on the street.

You know how they say the grass is greener on the other side? Well in Ireland it's literally true. It's so friggin green it's not funny. It's almost phospherescent. Note the correct usage of the term 'literally' there, grammar fans.

Man, do they ever love to parp their horns over here. Red light - parp. Green light - parp. Someone doesn't give way - parp. Someone does give way - parp. Bored - parp. Too lazy to scratch your nuts - parp. I think Irish cars have their indicators replaced with an additional horn. About the only thing they love more than the parp is the counter-parp. If someone parps you, parp them back, only longer and harder.

Awesome weekend back in London. Sun was shining, temperature hit 26 degrees and spent Saturday morning clothes shopping and Saturday arvo drinking cider in Chelsea with Trudi (ex ATO colleague). Then got home and drank Baileys on the stairs with my flatmates and told them a few truths about life and the perils it holds for them in future. Needless to say, Sunday was a very slow-paced affair as I moved my stuff across the hall and packed for my return to Dublin. Monday was a public holiday in London but not in Ireland so I made sure I stayed in the UK. I'm not missing out on another one!

This weekend promises to be epic as I head back to the Guinness Storehouse for the official tour. I'm a bit excited! I've got plenty of fake moustaches so I can race to the back of the line and get more free samples at the end. I met a guy whose dad used to work there years ago and all around the brewery grounds there used to be open taps which you could just take a hit from anytime you liked. Needless to say there was always a huge line and it's a wonder anyone in Ireland got anything done ever.

Looking forward to seeing some good theatre while I'm over here. There's a powerful tradition for live theatre in Ireland, as evidenced by the four nobel laureates they've produced...and all of whom were miserable profane drunken mad bastards, which is my favourite kind of laureate. Also, Patrick Stewart (Jen Luc Picard) is doing MacBeth or Hamlet or something at Shakespeare's Globe theatre back in London so I'm so gonna go to that and shout out "Make it so!" in the quiet bits, cos you're allowed to heckle from the standing area in front of the stage.

I'm also trying to get in on a ghost hunting expedition with the London Paranormal Society. They take people on midnight tours to all of London's most famous haunted places and look for ghosts with all their high tech geeky gear. I really want to go to the London Dungeon or the London Operating Theatre which they say is haunted by Florence Nightingale. I'm planning on reminding everyone constantly and incessantly to NEVER cross the streams. I bet ghost people think that's hilarious!

That's all for now. If all goes well my next post should be from the liver transplant ward at the Guinness Hospital. Go on wit'cha!